"Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
It started with three simple words:
The phrase “Make money online” or “Make money fast online” was trendy; many people were exploring these new online opportunities to earn a living from their laptops, and I followed suit.
There was nothing wrong with those words. The problem was they led me to believe that it was easy and that money would flow overnight with little effort.
Then came the Internet gurus.
They were saying exactly what I wanted to hear. Their promises of quick success seemed to confirm the idea already growing inside me.
The more I listened, the more believable it became.
Eventually, it was no longer simply an idea.
I believed it.
Although I realised after some time that earning money online could be hard—if not harder than working a nine-to-five job—I continued holding on to the belief that there had to be a way to make money online quickly.
There had to be.
The Internet gurus said so.
I never bought their programmes because I didn't want to spend the money, but I certainly enjoyed listening to them. They were feeding a belief I was already happy to hold on to.
Unfortunately, believing there was an easier way didn't make the work any easier.
What Was I Actually Doing Instead of Blogging?
I was browsing the internet.
Driven by impatience and urgency, I searched for some magical formula to make quick cash, almost as if browsing the internet long enough would eventually perform a miracle.
I devoured articles with titles such as “How to Make Money Online Fast” or even better “Turn your laptop into a cash cow.” There was an image in the article showing a laptop from which money was coming.
I'd find it amazing, read it enthusiastically for fifteen minutes, then hurry to another one.
The articles motivated me to blog, but instead of working on the blog I already had, I often created another one.
And another one.
My mother constantly reminded me that if I was impatient, I would never do anything productive or reap the benefits of my efforts. I would simply run around like a headless chicken and reap nothing but frustration.
That lesson entered through my right ear and instantly escaped through the left.
Patience was certainly not one of my strengths.
Another lesson my mother taught me was to “run after one rabbit at a time, because if you chase two, you catch neither.”
Once again, I turned a deaf ear to her advice. I wanted to do things my way—always rushing, trying different things and believing that somehow one of them would work.
With the idea of making money fast running through my head, I would enthusiastically start building a blog. After writing only one or two posts, I would place affiliate banners on it.
The very next morning, I would eagerly log in to my account to see whether I had made any money.
Nothing.
I would feel disappointed.
My enthusiasm would fade, and eventually I would give up.
Then another idea would come to mind, and off I would go, starting a brand-new blog with the same enthusiasm I had shown for the previous one.
A few posts.
Wait for something to happen.
Nothing.
Lose enthusiasm.
Start again.
This pattern continued for years.
Somewhere inside, I knew what I was doing wasn't working, but I kept repeating it, hoping that eventually one of those blogs would magically take off.
I was also an overthinker. My mind was constantly busy with one idea after another. I thought about what I could do, what might work and what I could try next. Instead of settling down and working on what I had already started, I spent too much time thinking about the next thing. The more I thought, the more complicated everything became.
I wanted the sweet fruit of success, but I wasn't prepared to endure the bitter process of patiently nurturing what I had planted.
It was as though I kept planting a seed, digging it up to see whether anything was growing, then abandoning it and planting another one somewhere else.
Replicating Blogs
I had no plan, no structure and no meaningful reason to write. Making money had become the reason.
Because I lacked my own inspiration, I began replicating other people's blogs.
I never set out to plagiarise anyone. I thought I could read what somebody else had written, change it around and create something similar myself.
It was exhausting.
I read post after post, trying to recreate what other people were doing. There was no originality and no joy in it. The more I tried, the more tedious it became.
Eventually, I lost motivation.
And the money I was expecting?
It didn't come.
But instead of questioning the belief that had brought me there, I kept searching.
Surely, there had to be another way.
Distracted and Procrastinating
When I couldn't find the elusive secret formula, I procrastinated even more.
I browsed the internet. I made coffee. I called friends. I searched for something to eat.
Anything seemed preferable to sitting down and doing the work.
Yet somewhere in my mind, I still believed there was a faster way. Success had to be one article, one idea or one new blog away.
So I kept searching.
And kept starting.
And kept stopping.
After all that running around, I had little to show for it except a few quid here and there.
What had begun as a simple idea had become something I believed so strongly that even my own experience struggled to convince me otherwise.
I knew I was blogging for money.
What I didn't yet understand was why that desire had such a strong hold on me.
And money wasn't the only thing standing in my way.
There were other barriers too.
Some had been with me much longer than blogging.
My mother had been right all along.
I was a real headless chicken.